For Your Consideration: Ah these poor Dwarf Bastards

Hello my lovelies,

I hope that everyone is well and safe. Works sucks the big one but school is great. I have, for your consideration, probably my finest work to date. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, drum roll please. "The Seven Dwarfs Happily Ever After?" It's not Masterpiece Theater, but hell, it works. Enjoy.

As the Dwarfs watched Snow White and her Prince ride off into the sunset, they thought that all would go back to normal. It didn't. When the Prince found out from Snow White that the Dwarfs had a diamond mine, he thought that it should be his. So through the process of eminent domain, the diamond mine became the property of the kingdom. The Dwarfs tried to appeal the case but to no avail. With the diamond mine gone, the Dwarfs had no means of income. So they decided to go out into the world, separately, to make their fortune.

Doc tried to go out into the workforce. But since he was of advanced age, no one would hire him. Feeling defeated, Doc entered into a nursing home to live out the remainder of his days.

Bashful was picked to be on the reality show "Who Wants to Date a Contortionist". He didn't win, but Bashful became the most popular contestant on the show. He now lives in California and is trying to find an agent and a publicist to help him break into show business.

Happy became a clown with Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus. But after being accused of child sexual abuse, in now in a psychological facility to determine competency to stand trial.

Sneezy moved to Arizona to help alleviate his allergies. He and his partner Kevin have opened a chain of bakeries called SneeKee's that is about to go public on the New York Stock Exchange.

Sleepy was diagnosed with sleep apnea. After losing some weight and using Breathe Right strips, he had the energy to try new activities. Sleepy met his girlfriend Lily at a ballroom dancing class. They now live together on a farm in Vermont where Sleepy makes handcrafted furniture.

Grumpy had a complete nervous breakdown after the Dwarfs disbanded. He was spiritually lost for a while and committed petty crimes. After being sentenced to psychological counseling and anger management courses, Grumpy found a new lease on life. He now lives in Tibet and is a Buddhist monk.

And Dopey? He has made a name for himself. He is now known as Dolph Reisenkopf, Germany's premier porn star. He opened his own production company called Fukundkommen Studios in Berlin.